Thursday, March 29, 2012

P@@P my stepdaughter says...

"Daddy says can you bring him the bigger screw-up driver please."

<re: Justin Bieber being too old to be her boyfriend> "I know. When I'm a teenager he'll be an adult, and when I'm an adult he'll be even older, and when I'm even older, he'll be dead!"

"Nan is afraid of dogs, but she would like mine. Except I wouldn't let her near Ace. He bit my vagina yesterday!"

<re: constipation> "It's still working on the roads for the poop. So the poops are stuck in their poop houses. They can't go anywhere because of the poop streets."

"The lightning and thunder are called farts. And the rain is pee. The clouds don't poop though...Well, hail and snow is the poop."

<leaving a voice message> "Hi Mommy, this is Sophie. I want to talk to you, so call me back after the beep -- BEEP!" [She literally made a loud BEEP sound.]

"Sometimes people pretend to be your friend because you're rich and invite them to your birthday party. But what matters is that they're nice and don't steal things from you."

<playing with her grandma's Bible action figures - two male, one female> "Hi, I'm Goliath and this is my friend Samson. He has trouble with women, but I don't."

<at bedtime> "You might not want to lie there right now. I just let one."

"I break promises, not pinky promises."

<singing "Baby Got Back"> "I like big butts, and I count out loud...."

<on the phone with her mom> "Can you give the dog a hug for me? And if Sissy's there tell her I said I love her, and excuse me I just farted?"

Sophie: <hand waving frantically in the air at the dinner table, dying to talk>
Tristan <30 seconds later>: "What were you going to say?"
Sophie: "I forgot...Whaaaaat? I'm not an elephant."

<singing> "Bump. You gotta bump. And if you wanna bump, you gotta bump bump bump bump bump bump BUMP IT!"

"My daddy has got moooves. He knows where to take the ladies." [re: Chuck E. Cheese]

"Brain freeze? Nuh-uh, your head is hot."

"Eshmae threw up in the middle of class today. It smelled like bacon!"

"Daddy, where's ham come from?...Not it's butt-HOLE?...Shew, that was close!"

"I like the language here. I think it's Chinese. <Mindy calls> Mommy, we're eating dinner at a Chinese restaurant...Yeah, really...cheese quesadilla...Mexican? How do you know?...Daddy! This is a MEXICAN restaurant."

"I got a yellow apple today, but then Ms. Gardner changed it back to green because I sat on the quiet carpet, criss-cross applesauce, no talking. Shhh. Silencio! That's Chinese for quiet."

"Daddy, I was being starchazzic*." [*sarcastic]

"I saw Jenny's boobies. I was spying on her through the hole in the door."

"Boobies are weird-no offense, Jenny!"

"Jenny, I wish I had your hair. It's so pretty-you should cut it."


Have any funny kid sayings of your own to share?

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