Wednesday, February 8, 2012

"Love Bites"

By Chordboard
(Self, from material in my possession.)
[Public domain, GFDL
( or
via Wikimedia Commons
In honor of the upcoming Valentine's Day (or Cheap Chocolate Eve if your calendar reads "Midgetary"), I dug out my old journals from AP English to find a holiday-themed set of letters I'd written.... Ahhhh, "smells like teen spirit" ... and/or melodrama, b.o., and angst. ;) Enjoy!

February 1, 1999
Dear Cupid - 
     Hey, old buddy, old pal! How have you been since last year? Well, I hope! I myself have been doing much better.
     In fact, I'm writing to inform you that this Valentine's Day you'll find me in a much better disposition than last February 14th, and your presence would be most welcome if you could see fit to hook me up. I need a man. So if you could get your bow and arrow of love aimed my way, I would be sincerely appreciative.
- Love, Jennifer
P.S. I'm sure we can put that whole trivial “Love-Bites” conversation of last year behind us and work out our differences. Water under the bridge, let bygones be bygones, and all that, right?

February 5, 1999
Dearest Jennifer,
     How have I been since last year? If you will refer back to, as you so lightly put it, “that whole trivial 'Love-Bites' conversation of last year,” I'm sure you will find the answer. Hmm....Let me see....I do believe it went something like this, and I quote:
Today is NOT Valentine's Day – it's Friday the 13th! I don't know who these people think they are ruining a perfectly good Friday the 13th by pretending that it's Valentine's Day! So I had a little chat with Cupid, and I told that chubby little angel where he could stick his arrow – and thus, LOVE-BITES!” [At which point you chucked those cleverly named little chocolates across the classroom at your helpless victims.]
     Well then, I guess I should say that I, and my rather cushioned posterior, have been...SORE! Of course, I'd still be glad to aim my arrow at you. But if I do, please don't speak lest your animated words distract me such that I miss your heart and shoot you in your...Aspirin may be required. Being as it is my divine duty as the deity of love, I will do my best to fulfill your request. But remember – love is blind. So if you don't like what you see...close your eyes!
All my love, Cupid
     P.S. I am not chubby. I am “weight-challenged.” Furthermore, I'm experiencing an arrow shortage. You wouldn't mind if I reused for you that aforementioned “stuck” arrow we chatted about last year, now would you?


Not too shabby, especially for a high school senior! Maybe my English teachers weren't just stroking my ego after all. Two more letters to come as Cheap Chocolate Day draws nigh.